At last.
So, I was in the Middle of Nowhere this weekend as The Mechanic’s best mate, Collett, had arranged to celebrate his 21st birthday in Bournemouth and I had been invited along as The Mechanic’s better half. I headed down there on Friday after work and we spent Saturday milling about the place, fixing his little sister Springs’s motorbike and then treating her to lunch before racing back to Middle of Nowhere to pick up the minibus that would take everyone down to Bournemouth later that evening as it is one of The Mechanic’s work buses.
The Mechanic’s mother fed us and Saily left me hair products and straighteners when she ran out to go to The Races and we were both spruced up for a good night. Collett is a bit of a competitive one, and he had remarked after The Mechanic’s party in January: “Oh, man, I am never going to top this.” I ignored it at the time, but I think it is quite a revealing comment about the twunt that made it.
Please read on.
We drove the bus down to Old Village in time for about 8.30pm and had a couple of drinks before another friend of The Mechanic drove all of us down to Bournemouth in the bus. Collett’s new bit of stuff had come along too. I learnt from her, as the evening progressed, that she had been seeing Collett for a few months. Interesting, as he only dumped his longterm girlfriend last weekend. Another fact that says a lot about him.
In case you are wondering, I am trying to paint a picture of Collett as an utter twunt because that is exactly what he is. I feel stupid for having given him the benefit of the doubt so much. I haven’t really mentioned him before, but he’s a sly character, boastful and full of shit, but I always waved it off with the understanding that he’s a nice guy really, just insecure so behaves in this particular fashion to make himself feel more of the big man. I still think the latter, I just retract the former. He’s just a twunt. There is nothing good about him. And he has a nose like a Raven. Ugh.
Where was I?
Ah, yes. So the night was going well. We were in Chavdom, I mean Yates’s, and The Mechanic and I were having a blast. BIt of Stuff didn’t know anyone, but we got on well with her, and the other guys and girls were pretty sound also. It was a good night and Collett seemed pretty happy as he was clearly worried that his birthday do would be a bit of a flop compared to the Field Party. (It was really, a whole bunch of people turned up at Village Pub but then decided not to go on into Bournemouth, so the minibus was only half full).
Anyway, the evening drew on, and The Mechanic nipped to the loo. About a minute after he had gone, everyone started pulling their bits together and heading off. I hurried over to Collett, thinking he must not have realised that The Mechanic had gone for a wee, and asked him to just hold on for five minutes until The Mechanic got back. Collett said: “we’re going. We’ll see you outside.”
This guy is supposed to be The Mechanic’s best mate. He introduced us to Bit of Stuff by saying: “this is my best mate, The Mechanic and his bird, Blue soup.” Yet he couldn’t wait 5 minutes for his mate to return.
So, I waited for The Mechanic on my own at the table we were all sitting at before. The Mechanic returned and looked a little confused. He asked where everyone had gone? I told him, and grabbed an empty glass to tip half of my drink into and hand to The Mechanic. I gave it to him, saying that he had better help me drink up quickly so we could catch them up.
Then Collett reappeared, and he started having a go at The Mechanic over the high back of the booth chair. I was on the other side and the music was loud so I heard none of it, but it was clear Collett was bitching about me. Collett then turned and stomped off. The Mechanic and I left behind him.
Outside on the road, The Mechanic and I got into a row. We had both been drinking, and I was pissed off that Collett had been slagging me off and The Mechanic had allowed it (actually, I hadn’t heard that The Mechanic had in fact told Collett where to get off). The rest of this is a bit hazy but Collett and I were ignoring each other. Then, and I am not sure how this bit happened, Collett and The Mechanic were on the roundabout deep in discussion. Next thing I know, Ash comes over to me and says “you’d better go over there, The Mechanic’s knuckle is inside out.”
The coherent version of this story (as opposed to the drunken confusion I was greeted with) is that Collett and The Mechanic had been rowing. The Mechanic had lashed out in anger and punched a street light (rather than Collett’s face, although I wish he had battered the fuckwit to be honest). His hand was clearly broken.
Yes, it was an idiotic thing to do. But what was done was done and needed dealing with. Trust me, I sobered up pretty quickly. Collett called for an ambulance. This was not an emergency, although it looked like The Mechanic was going into shock. He was pale and shaking, and his hand was giving him a lot of pain. I got him into a taxi and told the driver to take us to A&E straight away. We had a choice, Bournemouth or Poole? Poole was slightly further from where we were, but it is marginally nearer to his house, so I opted for Poole.
The Mechanic and I then spent from 1am until 4am gradually being processed, through the main waiting area, into triage, then into a cubicle, then x-ray, then back to wait for the orthopedic specialist. His right hand is screwed. They need to put him under general anaesthetic tomorrow and go in and pull all the bone straight. Then they need to thread a bit of wire through his hand to hold it in place. As it is quite a significant break (according to the doc), this might not hold it and he might need to have a metal plate bolted in.
Sheesh.
And because he is a manual worker, he’s fucked workwise without his hands. His mum, who he works for, has sorted out something that means he can work full time and still be paid, but be supervising the trainees. It’s going to be frustrating for him, but better than nothing.
My sister was woken by a tearful call from me at about 3am, when the nurse said that the ward were preparing for The Mechanic to be transferred. She came out and drove for an hour to pick me up and then another hour to drop me off at The Mechanic’s house to sleep. I finally went to bed about 5am. Collett didn’t even bother to try and get hold of us. I texted him a photo of The Mechanic’s x-ray and pointed out what a great friend he was to wait by his best mate’s side in casualty all night. I have just had a call from The Mechanic’s mother. She had a call from Collett and he wants to go in at visiting hours tonight. She advised that he keep away for a while. The Mechanic doesn’t want to see him. But knowing Collett, he probably won’t listen, so she’s going back tonight to sit there with The Mechanic in case Collett tries to see him. He’s not getting anywhere near The Mechanic. No way.
So, that is the drama. I am so tired. And this is the damage:
