It’s a bit past ten. I haven’t been home long. I am tired. My feet hurt. A lot. I used to love my Fuck-Me-Boots because they were so comfy and I could dance the night away in them and a mini skirt (and a top of course). I guess I never gave enough credit to the alcohol on these crazy nights out!
Today I have been on my feet at a fucking awful exhibition at a major exhibition hall in London. ARGH. The saving grace? The nice guy on the stand over from us to give me a glass of wine…
Well, the lesson from today. Fuck my FMBs!!
And the rest of the horror continues: I am drinking my LAST BOTTLE OF WINE!!! *wail*
How has it come to this? How have I let the reserves drop so low? Thankfully I am out with the work girls tomorrow night (no need for wine at home then!) and then out again on Saturday night to a gay club so won’t need wine at home then either. Actually, I might. I might need a lot before I head off out. Hmmm, we will see.
It’s also a bloody nice bottle of wine. One that shouldn’t be wasted tonight on a Thursday looking at misery guts Jane from Eastenders on BBC3. What the fuck has my life come to? Fuck off Peggy already!! A chicken, inside a duck, inside a turkey. What the !?!??!?!!??!?!?!!?!?!
But it is very nice and I am on glass number 3 already. Knocks back a treat!!
Oh, this is Ian’s special day apparently. I mean, it’s not like his character hasn’t been married a million times before. Well, this will be number 4.
I have a love-hate relationship with coming home to an empty house (week number 2!)!
Bad things:
1. It’s empty and a bit lonely I guess
2. I gotta cook. Poo
Good things:
1. I can drink milk straight from the carton (yes, I am totally gross, I know. But I hate washing up)
2. I can leave washing up for DAYS (again, I hate washing up)
3. I can take all my clothes off as soon as I get in and wander about naked
4. (oh God, Jane is crying again….) I can watch as much crap TV as a like without rowing over the remote
5. I don’t have to complain that the TV is too loud after I have gone to bed.
6. I can have my stereo on really loud and dance like a loon
7. Other good stuff that I can’t remember right now
(BTW, I swear my neighbours opposite get an eyeful in the morning. I am a bit fan of nakedness (well, apart from the first few times with someone else when I am clearly too fat etc etc) and I always sleep in the old nuddy and in the morning I get up in the dark, I turn the light on, and then open me curtains. Still as nature intended. So lucky people opposite. hahahahah
Cheap thrills eh.
(Pat: What you are is the woman that he loves
Jane: But Grant)
Ra ra ra ra ra ra…. more wine. Mor emore more wine!!
Oh, and I think I fucked up something but… hmmmm.
Hmmm nakedness in the morning, I wonder what the address is
Ill raise a glass to cheap thrills.
I remember my first proper night out in London. After walking around Soho with a female friend trying to find some bars we couldn’t find any we liked, so we opted for the one place that we both enjoyed, a gay bar. G.A.Y in fact. Youll always have a better night in a gay bar. Fact.
Get on you persuading the wine man. I reckon it is your FMB. They should be handed the victory for that glass of wine! (Unless of course youve got one helluva Fuck Me Wink)
Do you normally live alone, or is this something that has happeend recently?
Im sure any male neighbours you have will set there alarm to be up in time for you.
haha
PS at 10.10pm you should be watching Never mind the buzzcocks. But Ill let you off for this episode seeing as the main guest was Lilly Allen (Bah humbug to her)
I am too tired this morning to go out tonight or Saturday night. I can’t get out of tonight, so Saturday in the gay bar may get shelved in favour of sleep. Yeah, sometimes I think I am older than I am too. Perhaps my birthdate on my passport is wrong? Perhaps they made a typo when sorting all that out.
I dunno about the FMW. Whatever it is that I have got,well, I wanna keep it.
Ordinarily I live with The Sister, a result of mucho parental pressure. The Sister is currently living at the House of The Olds in Dorset. She is due back on the 10th. I do like living on my own. A lot. I just don’t like the coming back to the empty flat part. It would be perfect if I came home to a flatmate and then they fucked off out for the rest of the night…
Boy, you haven’t seen my face!
At 10.10pm I fully agree. However, the remotes have no batteries at the moment (we have even over-juiced the rolling the batteries up and down trick to get an extra few days) and the digibox was playing up massively anyway, so I was just watching any old shit. No other option last night really…
You should never shelve a Big Gay Night Out. Even despite how tired you are.
Maybe if you hold your passport up to the light and tilt it you may see where they rubbed off the actual date?
But its always good to know what is FM.. about you. If you dont know what it is then youll be using anything guessing that it is that. Which could cause some embarrassing moments. haha
That certainyl isnt long left to be home alone. ALthough maybe your sister is has better responsibilities then you and wont let the wine run out ;D
That is right, I havent. But men are men. We are simlpe creatures, are so will be your neighbours.
If Duracell knew how much effort you have put in to not going the shop to buy some batteries Im sure they would give you some free ones, just as a way of saying “good effort”
I will sleep all tomorrow in a bid to recharge my batteries for Saturday’s Big Gay Night Out (haha, did you see what I did there?)
No idea where my passport is actually. That is not good. Better have a look for it when I get home.
No, it is not long enough. At all.
Perhaps I will write to them to point this out. Right now I have no energy to do this. Thanks also to Eddie Izzard for pointing this out in one of his stand-up shows. (Note, we all do this anyway, but it is one of those things that when Izzard mentioned it, the entire audience nodded their heads in that “I do that” kinda way).
That sounds like a good solution to recharge your batteries. Maybe you could lie with your remote control and recharge those batteries. Then you no longer have to watch that awfull BBC3 channel.
It isnt good not knowing where your passport is. I just hope that there isnt some Fake Soup on a beach somewhere getting your passport in to trouble.
Izzard pointed out that we rub batteries or that we never have the energy to write to battery companies?
Izzard pointed out that when remote control batteries run out, you take the back off the remote and then roll the batteries around. This, as he says, “gives an extra two days on batteries”. He then goes on a bit later to pretend to be a wizard with a remote control wand and muting a pig…. best to just watch it…
[E. Izzard "Definite Article" 1996]
That was my night last night– uncorking the last bottle of wine– the nice one I was saving for a special occasion– and watch bad TV in my undies. While it wasn’t a shining moment for me, this post was great
Sounds like your week has sucked as badly as mine! I hope someone gets you wine as a gift… it’s getting to be about that time.