I’m just back home.
Feel awful.
Everything was great until about 11.30pm when the ibuprofen just turned around and said “ha, that’s the last of us in your system. You’re on your own from now kiddo.”
I wish I could say that I wilted gracefully like a flower. Instead the drums in the head came back full force and I feel like I just got through ten rounds with Tyson (is it ten? or another number? Well, however many rounds there are… I feel like I just did them all and then a bonus round with me dead in the ring). So, Blue Soup did have a Happy New Year because she was with people and that is the key thing – it was a nice night with really welcoming (if random) people and there was loads of champers and stuff for them all and lots of smiling faces and drinking games and good fun to be had.
But I am glad that I am home.
NYE is always a shit night. Thank God that is it for another year.
As an aside, I have a dear friend messing with my head. He has always meant a lot to me, and I haven’t known what I am to him for ages. Now I am even more confused because half of me had thought that I had lost that friendship for good and the other half was optomistic. Now neither part knows what the hell is going on. And I also realised that other friendships really need terminating. There is one that ended the moment the first chime rang out and I hadn’t heard back from him in 3 days. Last chance mister, sod it. So fuck you Mister. Go fuck with someone else because I’m done with your shit arse “friendship”. I didn’t realise that to be friends with someone a girl like me has to remain eternally single and not have any love interests in her life at all. I don’t want that bollocks from a friend of mine. At least it shows now what he was after all along. And then there is a very surprising turn up for the books. A friendship that I have talked about a lot, someone I admire, someone I dare say that I love a huge amount. And it is all one-sided so time to say “bye bye.”
Whenever a friendship dies I think it is sad how expendible I am to that person. But I guess I always forget those that I terminate myself and how expendible other people can be to me. You hurt me, I drop you. Tonne (ton? whichever is heavier) of bricks, like. Fairly simple. Well, in theory. It always tears the heart in practice.
2007. Here it is. There will be major changes, upheavals. I know this anyway. I just have to sort them out. So there is no point in hankering after the past. What was, well… was…
List of NYRs to come in “the morning”.
I know I sound miserable. NYE/NYD always is shitty so don’t make out it isn’t. We just pretend it is all super because that is the expected thing. This year has just been worse than the others because I feel so shoddy as well. I need bed before my body literally breaks into tiny pieces. It’s like my muscles are silently screaming.
So, welcome to 2007. Long may it last. Well, another 365 fucking days anyway.
Much love,
Blue xx
Filed under: socialising | 8 Comments
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ahhh hope it wasn’t that bad, see you soon x
Happy new year! Sorry to learn about your friend woes – that’s never fun
Hope that the illness thing feels better soon. Poor Blue.
Sorry you’re having a rough friend season, Blue. Sometimes, distancing yourself can be a good thing – but it’s still a loss that you feel.
I do hope that managed to have some fun before the ibuprofen wore off though… Just a little bit?
Happy new year, chat soon.
Thats certainly not the best way to brin in the New Year.
My life isnt all that great, but my only New Years resolution is to stay in touch with old friends. (despite moving again further from them later this year)
Maybe you should try and arrange to clear the air with the first friend you mentioned. Especially if the person who means much to you.
The first friend is a lovely person but has too many issues for us to be friends. He treats me like his booty call even when we are both taken. Besides, things all got a little muddy when I was involved with his housemate. Still, it makes me feel desired to get 3am texts requesting I go over there – especially when I feel icky.
Well its nice to be wanted.
But when it comes to booty calls its always best to draw a very large clear line in the sand for when you can no longer cross. Who knows he might be a good friend. Youll just need to were iron pants when you meet up.
I don’t need to wear iron pants!!! My normal pants are just fine. I don’t need will power to keep them on – I really don’t want to take them off with him and, trust me, that will be enough. He is a very beautiful man though. I would post a pic to make the girls swoon, but, well, it’s against my anonymity ethos on here!