The last rant

14Feb07

Well, I am ducking out Blue soup style. This is my last rant and, in true long distance commuter fashion, I am crafting it on the train in to work.

Last night I think the general public stepped up its campaign to piss me off. It’s as if they knew of the blog closure and wanted to make sure that I was miserable sitting on the train, thinking about what I will be losing. As hellishly angry as I was by the time I got home yesterday – and poor old Beardy really got the brunt of it – it was all marred with sadness so I just couldn’t blog about it because I would have ended up upset as well as cross.

I will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever, that’s EVER (ok?) change my mind about wheelie suitcases. Last night (after hanging around for ages waiting for the platform number, which came up at the very last minute) we all surged toward the gate but the station staff had been slow off the mark so we all had to wait again while they pulled them back. And then the service that would make up our service back was only just arriving so we had to wait for people to disembark. And among those getting off the train was an entire family and each person (Mum, Dad, Grandpops, Children A, B and C) had their own wheelie bloody suitcase. It was like a family of wheelie suitcases on a day trip to see the sights. And I don’t think that adults can drive them, so don’t get me started on the fucking kids with their mini (but just as hateful) versions. I was ranting down the phone to my Dad at the time so he got an earful about what I think of wheelie suitcases and there were plenty of F-words in there, trust me.

On the train some bloke sat next to me – as other passengers usually do as all the trains on my line are (like every SWT train) very busy – and I didn’t really pay any attention. Until he fell asleep and started SNORING!!!! I mean, p-lease! So I had to dig out my iPod that I wasn’t wearing because I had dashed from the office and not bothered to put it on, and it was an effort because my bag was crammed full with stuff from staying at Nanu’s the previous night, and then I had to wire it into my coat and my coat is a mission to get in and out of… humpf. But I did it and then immersed myself in shuffle play and it was ok I guess.

But then he stood up to get his ticket out of his coat that was in the luggage rack above and as he lifted his arms a wave of body odour attacked my nostrils, to be followed a second later by an overwhelming feeling of nausea. Gross. He sat back down and, arms once again by his sides, the smell went away and I thought that the journey would maybe be ok from then on in…

…until the man behind me got his effing lap top out. Ordinarily I don’t give a rat’s arse. Ordinarily I wouldn’t even be aware that the person in the seat behind me had his lap top out at all as I don’t have eyes in the back of my head so I can’t actually see them!!! But this man… ARGH! I don’t know how he managed it. I am trying it right now myself but I can’t make it do what he did which was this: he somehow had it resting in such a way that every tap on the keyboard sent the screen part bashing into the back of my chair and rattled my seat. He was oblivious because he had his headphones on so couldn’t hear it bashing. And then his phone, which was sitting on the little rest that pulls down starting buzzing and the vibrations also pissed me off. By the time we got to Parkway my blood was boiling – in fact I think it was evaporating at a rate of knots never seen before. But I bit my tongue and said nothing.

Speaking of Parkway, the train arrived there on time. And then sat there. And sat there. And sat there… Eventually the guard came on the tannoy and said that there was a mechanical fault and the driver was going to have a look at it and he expected that we would be moving shortly. Ten minutes passed. Some tit was pissing about with the doors making them open and slam shut repeatedly. I mean, simple pleasures, simple minds… Then the guard came over the tannoy again and said that the fault had been fixed and we would be heading off in two minutes. But we sat there still. After half an hour I was totally climbing up the walls with pissed off-ness (in my head of course) and decided to just get a taxi. I think the fact that I only wanted to go one stop which was about 4miles away (if that!!) made the entire situation worse. As I got off the train into the pouring rain I stopped the “customer service and train dispatcher” man and asked what was wrong. Apparently the train wouldn’t move and they needed to wait for another train to come and pull it back from the station and attach a new front or something. Meanwhile the service following ours was backed up at the very start of the platform and stuck there. Along with all the services behind that one as well…

Now, call me biased (because I make no secret of my contempt for South West Trains) but this was just bloody typical. They take all the big, old, reliable trains off our line (the ones with real seat cushions) and replace them with their brand spanking new whizzy trains and they fucking break down!

See, the thing that really gets to me about SWT is that they reckon they are a good train operator. When I have complained before, they have replied that it was a one off. But the sheer number of times that there have been major problems when I have been on their trains is staggering so, no, their poor service is NOT a one off at all. It is actually really rather common. I know that I get trains a LOT so I have a higher chance of getting stuck on a fucked up one than, say, Joe Bloggs who travels on trains maybe twice a year, but really…! If I have all these problems (and the longer distance services are apparently better than those suburban ones that trawl around Wimbledon and London’s south-west suburban sprawl) then what about all those train services that I am not on that are fucked as well that I only don’t blog about because I don’t know about them!!!!!!!

Finally, on the bloody commuter thing, I think my highlight of the evening (apart from when I actually made it back) was waiting under the departure boards at Waterloo and listening to one of the men on the “information” stand having a row with an unhappy traveller. I missed the beginning of the exchange so am not really sure what it was about, but the dude in the suit with his important SWT ID badge was a right jobsworth. A complete and utter cock. I was pleased to see the customer giving as good as he got, but then disappointed that he actually gave in and walked off.

The rest of the evening in brief went as follows:
Pick Beardy up from Central in the cab I caught and then take cab to OV to pick up Beardy’s car.

Drive Beardy’s car back to mine as he had driven it out but discovered that the event he went to was a free bar (on the tab of PWC) so he had gotten pissed and left the car there for me to drive back later. Can now drive an automatic with no power steering. It was an adventure in itself.

Ordered a pizza (or three because of the 3 for £15 deal at Pizza Hut) because we were both lazy and tired and I was miserable and cross. Fed the rats too much pizza crust so they will probably have clogged arteries and get fat. But they were very happy.

Scoffed pizza and drank Carlsberg and then Bucks Fizz (don’t ask) and watched “Shameless” followed by the first half of “The Sex Inspectors” but got pissed off at the bully bastard husband on it and was grumpy and tearful and tired so went to bed.

And perfect timing, I am at Clapham so time to wrap up.

So, that was the last rant. Thank you for reading – both regular and irregular readers, both “commenters” and lurkers in the background. I am sorry that this is the end. At the moment I don’t know if I will go to another blog host at some point in the future. I don’t think I could ever top Blue soup and I think I need some time to get over not having her anymore so this is a decision I will make at a later date. If you would like to be informed of any new blog I go to, please email me. Blue soup may still pop up to comment on other blogs – I haven’t decided that either.

I bid you all adieu – and a very Happy Valentine’s Day too.

Filed under: Blogging, Commuting, South West Trains, Transport, rants   |  8 Comments