And in other news…

Winchy Commuter Boy is back. Lets have a cheer. I can’t hear you. All together now…! Yes, he must have had a couple of weeks off or something.

I am in a right bad mood this morning, for Beardy came over again last night and we ate, and then left all the plates all over the coffee table, and he has a cold and KEEPS COUGHING which is driving me insane, and he was in a stupid babyish mood last night and kept talking at me in a horrible cutesy voice that made me want to punch him (or anyone else for that matter) and then he fidgeted through Lost, and he didn’t cover his mouth to cough but instead turned his head, and then he rolled over to go to sleep but DIDN’T TURN THE BLOODY LAMP OUT! And this morning the bin in the kitchen smelt unholy, and there is a mountain of washing up for me to do - hooray - before The Parents arrive later, and then Beardy faffed about and spent ages in the shower, and then he just stood about in a towel dripping all over my bedroom floor and studying the impossible Sudoku in yesterday’s Metro that I gave up on last night rather than PUTTING HIS BLOODY CLOTHES ON. I had to go into Mother mode and say to him “come on, get dressed” like I was talking to a 5-year old, and I was tidying up around him, and getting ready for work, and filling the sink so that the dishes could at least soak so the job of washing them won’t be such a mission later, and stripping the bed of covers (while Beardy just watched) and putting that load on in the washing machine. And I know that this paragraph comprises a few long sentences with lots of “ands” but that is the point, to convey a sense of pissed off heaviness, that everything is just impossibly and unnecessarily winding me up today and I just wish I was back in bed.

Well, my mood lifted a little at the station. Sun Man was there - wearing brown shoes and usually he wears black ones, although yesterday he wore these brown ones as well - and I was reading my book (The Messiah Code by Michael Cordy - don’t bother reading it, it is rubbish) and I noticed him look around to his left and then I realised that Winchy Commuter Boy was standing to my left reading a copy of The Sun and wearing a stripey top. He looks well; his hair is still short and curly; he has some stubble. I felt really happy to have him back, especially as I have “gone off” Sun Man a little. Perhaps Winchy Commuter Boy will be my favourite again in my final month, just as he was my favourite in the beginning.

In case you were wondering, Lady With The Orange Bag was missing this morning - and yesterday her bag was actually red. The Pushy Woman was there this morning. I watched her walk from platform 3. I even hate the way she walks. Everything about her is haughty: the way she struts in her stupid high heels, the way her trousers swing, the way she has a stiff straight back, the way her head is so high, the way her mascara has been applied so that her lashes are so wide, the way she looks down her nose, the way she thinks that everyone is watching her like a film star (when in reality it is only me watching her and only because I want to smack her face in). However, I think she has noticed that “we” don’t like her. Us lot at the back of carriage 4. I think she has noticed the way we look at her, the way we bristle when she walks up, the way we all club together in an effort to prevent her pushing in. She has taken - this past week - to pushing into carriage 5 instead. I also wonder if it has anything to do with the stare out she and I had a few weeks back (the luggage racks on these new SWT trains are made of glass and therefore shiney. You can look up and see all along the carriage reflected in them. On one occasion I was facing the direction of travel - I always do in the morning - and she was facing the opposite direction and seated towards the middle of the carriage. She looked up at the same time that I did, and we locked eyes with our reflected selves. I had a particularly dirty look on my face and stared at her hard. She looked away first. Wuss.) But this morning there was a kink in her hair at the back where she has likely slept on it funny and it looked a bit poofy and that made me smile because I am immature like that sometimes.

And, just to continue my bad mood, Events Lady is back at work after a few days off. She is irritating me too. I hate the way she says “yes” and “mmm” and “uh-huh” all they way through whenever someone is talking to her. I know she is trying to convey interest and that she understands where they are coming from, but she has it all wrong!! She says “yes”, “mmm mmm” BEFORE the person has said enough that she could understand what he (in the case of this morning) is saying so actually she ruins the effect entirely and it is clear she is just saying “yes” and “mmm” and “uh-huh” because she either doesn’t care, isn’t really listening, or is nervous so can’t just let someone speak without inputting these nothing noises. And I hate they way she chirps “Yep!” when she is talking to someone and they have said something which shows they understand whatever she was saying, AND the way she over-pronounces her s’s. She’s like Hiss the snake from The Jungle Book!!

ARGH!!!!

AND I didn’t go to the gym last night because I couldn’t be bothered and wanted to play with Polly and Sybil instead so today I feel like a bloated whale.

And with that, I am going to have a bloody FULL CAFFEINE COFFEE.