I think this may have to become a regular feature. I mean, aside from the general gripes about commuting in London… I think actual letters to the imbeciles that make the daily migration to and from work such a misery really are in order.
Not sure how I’ll get these letters to them, given that Royal Mail are unbearably shit. But for the moment, the ranting will have to suffice.
To:
… all the women who get to the ticket barrier and then stop and look surprised,
Every sodding day the same happens. You get to the gate and you need your ticket to pass through it. Why is it such a surprise??! Why do you not just have the ticket ready? Then you wouldn’t have to rummage through that suitcase of a handbag to find your pass. Come on, get with it!!!!
Best regards,
Blue soup
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…the woman taking up the space of two,
It is common knowledge that the stairs down to the C&D lines at Victoria are wide enough for two people to comfortably run down side-by-side. That means that you don’t put your enormous handbag (see previous letter) on your arm and stick it out at a right angle, while also carrying a Marks and Sparks shopping bag so that you are the width of the entire staircase. It just fucks off the rest of us who can’t get past. You have no idea how close you came to “falling” to your death down the stairs this morning. I have no idea how I managed to contain the rage long enough to not shove you down them.
Best regards,
Blue soup
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…the totally loved-up couple disembarking at Victoria,
Trust me, you really don’t need to cling on to one another for dear life on getting off the train. Really, being drapped all over each other is not essential to keep you both breathing. You will cope not being entwined for the five minutes that it takes to get from the door to the ticket barrier. IT WILL NOT KILL YOU TO PUT EACH OTHER DOWN FOR A FEW MOMENTS so that your other commuting “friends” can make it out to the concourse without a rage-induced aneurysm! I hate loved-up people at the best of times, but when I am feeling especially lonely and bitter, I hate you more than chavs and students and that guy from the Halifax advert. Just stop it!
Best regards,
Blue soup
Filed under: Commuting, Transport, commuter cretins, rants | 3 Comments
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eek
OK I’m with you on the first two and partly of the loved up couples thing. Also Howard from the Halifax needs to be taken out back and shot like a rabid dog. Also that lady with the big bones in the other Halifax advert.
BLAM BLAM! Dead. That’s what you need.
I’m so glad I no longer have to commute through central London. I much prefer the low level muppetry I get on my nice comfy train to the daily hell I used to have.