does anyone have a spare machine gun that i may borrow?

05Dec07

I had a long old rant developing in my head on the way to work this morning but have been too busy to blog. The short version goes like this:

In Canada, according to Venting, 40cm of snow fell overnight. She still went to work. Canada kept moving. Canada kept working. Canada just got the hell on with it. It is the weather, for crying out loud. In London (and the rest of the UK, I imagine, I missed the weather forecast this morning), it rained this morning… and the transport network went down the shitter. It’s RAIN! Jesus. We live in a temperate climate, you’d've thought that we Brits would be used to it by now. No. Of course not! Buses were non-existent. I shivered my britches off at the bus stop with all the other Commuter Morons for half an hour before I just accepted that it was going to be a rotten wet old journey so I may as well stop fighting it and just embrace the wetness. I walked to the station and got there soaked – and still no bus passed me.

The train was the usual over-crowded fun of smelly people (clean your teeth SWT users, PLEASE!) and condensation.

WHY THE HELL DO PEOPLE GET INTO TRAIN CARRIAGES AND JUST STOP??? At a stop such as mine, there are usually little (or not so little) pockets of people crowded around those areas on the platform where the doors draw up (assuming your Friendly Train Driver isn’t a moron – like the guy who was driving the Jubilee tube I was on a few weeks back that overshot the doors at Westminster meaning we had to go all the way to Green Park and then take another tube back again, utter cretin). Unless you are at the back of one of these pockets, it is safe to assume there will be people behind you wanting to get onto the train. So go into the carriage and KEEP WALKING. If you just bloody stop, people will bang crash into you. The train is not for just you, you know!!!

At Vic there was the joy of joys that the Perilous Concourse always brings, except with morons skidding all over the place as well.

And here at work EG WON’T JUST BLOW HER NOSE PROPERLY!!! JUST DO IT!!!! She’s doing these pathetic little parps into a tissue all the time that I complained of once (I can’t be arsed to link back, it really isn’t that interesting) and every two minutes goes “ack hem” instead of just going to the loo and coughing all the sodding phlegm up and spitting it out. I would say that it is like hell on earth in here today but The Boss and Events Lady are both in a big lunch so there is brief respite from his snorting and nose picking and her incessant chattering and swearing at her PC. I also watched The Boss eating something yesterday. Truly disgusting. Like watching a cow chewing the cud.

So, basically, I look like complete and utter shite. My hair is frizzy, I want to kill everyone, and tonight I get to meet FM to give him these free Boat Show tickets. So much for looking super and leaving on a high. Well, I hope he enjoys the show anyway. I went on Monday and thought it was a pile of crap, to be honest.

(Somebody we know needs to get some sleep…)

PS – welcome to new readers (eg Putney Ed), and new lurkers. Please feel free to de-lurk and say “hello”.

Filed under: Blogging, Commuting, Fire Man, Relationships, South West Trains, Transport, Tube, Weather, boys, commuter cretins, rants, work   |  6 Comments