when bad things happen to good people
21 January, 2008 by blue soup
Good person: The Mechanic
Bad thing: Blue soup
The Mechanic came to visit this weekend. We had a good time. As El Pres pointed out on MSN earlier “The Mechanic played with the rats. Must be love.” We didn’t manage to actually do much, a lot of dossing about talking and the best part of Saturday was lost to sleep, but I did get him on the tube (he commented “it’s quite small, isn’t it?” in reference to his head skimming the ceiling of the train) and we took in a couple of street performances at Covent Garden before gorging on a posh burger and walking back to Waterloo via The Strand, the good old Golden Jubilee bridges and a quick stop off at the London Eye. All very nice.
The problem I now have is that The Mechanic is pretty smitten - and makes no bones about it - and, while I like him and enjoy the escapism his visiting brings, I am suffering with a severe case of cold feet. I tried to gently ease away from the idea of “getting together” by saying things like “how about we just take it as it comes?” or “you never know who you might meet around the corner and don’t write someone off down there [the Middle of Nowhere, not in his pants] just because of me” but he was quite insistent that he doesn’t want anyone else (indeed “won’t want” anyone else) and that he thinks blocking out weekends to see one another is preferable. While this is terribly romantic, it’s not really what I am looking for. With “other stuff” going on in my mind at the moment (password post may follow, or it may not, haven’t decided yet), I’d quite like to keep other people at arm’s length for the time being. As gently as I could, I pointed out that, let’s face it, he’s not going to move to London and I’m not going to quit my job to run away to the countryside. Not now. Not ever.
It COULD happen.
But so too COULD Robbie Williams crash his car into a bollard on Victoria Street at the exact moment that I am walking past on my way to the station tonight and get out of the car, see me, drop to his knees and declare that I am the woman for him, before sweeping me into his arms and whisking me off to an island paradise to live happily ever after supping cocktails and collecting pygmy goats.
It’s not going to happen.
That sounds terribly harsh, but I can’t see the point in getting pulled in to something that isn’t going to go anywhere. He’s got his career to develop (my earlier observation that he’s not really got a life plan is actually untrue, he does have plans and they revolve around the south west), and I am not foolish enough to confuse the current disillusionment I have with London with a genuine desire to abandon city life and seek a more rural existance surrounded by ducks and pigs in a market town somewhere. At the moment I am (and let’s quote the doctor this morning) “in a bit of a hole” and I just need to take a bit of time getting out of it.
The Mechanic is a wonderful bloke and he serves as a great distraction from the crap going on around me. He is exactly what I need to remind me that life isn’t the slog of drudgery that it appears to have become.
But caution needs to be exercised.
This is a botch job of explaining things, but lunch is coming to an end, and I haven’t really got it clear in my own head. Posting this is as much part of the act of coming to a conclusion as it is presenting that conclusion to whoever happens to be passing on this blog these days.
Are things all doom and gloom for The Mechanic and me? If he wants it to be one of these deep-rooted love affairs where each pines for the other and lives for the Friday night closing of the 112 mile distance, well, probably. If it can be a casual flirtation where spare weekends are spent wasting time together until someone more suitable (and closer) appears on the scene, we have something to work with. The hardest part is judging how he feels about it, but I think I handled his departure last night sensitive to his feelings.
I have to sort out “other stuff” first. I can’t keep filling my life with distractions just to bury the root issues - they won’t go away.
PS - Fire Man. I had another change of heart. Relating to the rambling above. Fuck him. He’s just another distraction. Time to boot out.
I’m confused. Wasn’t FM already in the ‘Fuck Him’ camp? Or had I missed the bit where he’s been taken out?
I know what you mean about not needing distractions. Sometimes you just need space to get yourself back together.
If i never saw the words ‘Fire Man’ again on this blog, it couldn’t come to soon!!
As for The Mechanic, he sounds nice, so be nice to him, even if you do call it off, be nice about it……becasue it sounds like that’s what you should do and he sounds like one of those people who’d say ‘oh, casual is fine by me’ but really mean ‘I’ll say casual is ok in the hope that you fall for me’
Dom - er, the post before this one…????
PJB - He is nice, and I am trying to make it clear to him without hurting him.
You seem to have a lot of clarity on the issue, which is rarely the case in these early stages, when it’s so easy to get lost in the clouds; I’d tell you to keep your head on straight, but you’re already doing it; good luck!
Have you tried telling The Mechanic this?
Straight up and without beating around the bush and using things like “you never know who you might meet around the corner/don’t write someone off down there just because of me”
Why not just tell him “Mr Mechanic, this is all very nice, but right now is not a good time for me/we want different things.”
Oh, I thougt you’d just messed up and contacted him, didn’t realise he’d been moved out of his camp
Boy - yes. I was clear. I explained what I outlined above - neither of us is going to move and it’s not what I am looking for at the moment but I do enjoy his company.
Dom - I am confused now. I said the other day that I would bother with contact but he’s not got a chance with me any more…
Well, it sounds like you’ve made your mind up about The Mechanic. Just be gentle when you break it to him. City girls can be pretty tough
It does seem like you’ve made your mind up, which is fine, and hopefully The Mechanic isn’t too caught up in the ‘city girl’ thing.
I might be asking the same as Boy above but did you actually say “If it can be a casual flirtation ……….etc” to him.
I had same thing going but I thought it was “deep-rooted love affairs” but to her it was “casual flirtation” I think it would have gone better/ended easier if we had both been on the same page.