he just doesn’t “get” it
23 April, 2008 by blue soup
Maybe I will explain tomorrow - but right now it feels like too daunting a task - but I am in the process of ending things with The Mechanic.
What?
I know.
I can’t quite word it yet, but it’s just not for me. He’s lovely and we have a good time together, he makes me happy… but he also irritates the shit out of me because his brain works at a much slower pace than mine. In conversation I will say something and he will often say “why’s that then?” or “what’s that then?” (put on the west country accent too) and it just fucks me off that I have to explain myself when a brighter person would get it.
Take tonight. We’re talking. I mention how very different our lives are. He says: “how’s that then?”
Er…?
DUR!
I live in the capital; He lives in the middle of a field.
I work in an office; He fixes cars.
My social life hinges around seeing friends in bars and discussing the news and men; His is about going to Wincanton races or a point to point and looking at Landrovers.
I find documentaries interesting; He watches The Simpsons every day.
I want to push my career; He’s happy just sitting back and seeing what comes.
In short, he just doesn’t satisfy me mentally. It’s ok because he lives so far away and I don’t see him much, but I don’t want that from a proper relationship - and that is what he wants. If we lived any closer, he would annoy me all the time.
Sorry.
I like that he is warm hearted and genuine, but still it isn’t the right match for me.
Good luck. Better now than later…
Oi whats wrong with the west country accent!
Are you saying it makes us sound thick?
I cant complain too much as I’m on a voice coach’s waiting list to soften my accent.
Sounds like it might be fun with mechanic but not what your after & I agree with Breeze.
Are you sure?
I say that because I know the thought processes you went through to choose him over Mr Divorced just a little while ago.
Is there any chance that this is just a knee jerk reaction to being busy and in a new work environment that is challenging you all the time? If so, maybe you should give it a little extra time before you make a decision, just to ensure you don’t decide the wrong thing.
argh, I don’t know
Aww poor soupy
I can empathise with your turmoil. The chipster is (without trying to sound too dramatic here) probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me. However, at the beginning, I wasnt sure if he was `enough’ for me. Whilst I am a prolific reader/writer and I guess you could say pretty high strung, the chipster is more content on the PS3, watching Futurama and is very laidback. But sometimes relationships can thrive rather well when opposites attract …
the chipster is more content on the PS3, watching Futurama and is very laidback
My xB/F was like that, I used to find it cute but then I just found it annoying. But we were looking for different things.
Soupy: Just do what you feel is right for you. You told him right from the start where he stood. But maybe wait till he’s feeling a bit better?
I could sort of see this all along with you two - he’s lovely and sweet and will treat you like a princess but you will be very bored after a while.
100 mph v 25 mph .. one is bound to drive the other mad in the end! Especially if the 100mph is stuck behind the 25mph!
Do what you have got to do. It’s your life after all.
*Hugs*
I totally agree with the fact that it’s important to have someone who’s on your level. I like that me and my boyfriend can have really in depth conversations about things, no topic is off bounds really. We have similar ideas and even if one of us is talking about a topic which the other doesn’t know a lot about, we always seem to understand it on some level.
I was once with someone who I didn’t click in the “conversation” way with, and in the end, his immaturity and the fact that he wasn’t similar to me in that way just put me off him. I like to discuss the world with someone!
Hmmmm…. Being someone who likes a slower pace of life myself I don’t see what’s so wrong with The Mechanic. Although, the not being able to converse about intellectual things would really get to me. BF and I talked for hours last night about what Seattle is doing for homelessness (providing free housing) and it was great!
I think you sort of knew it wasn’t going to work, though. Right?
Blue - having muttered, dithered and deliberated this one if you want to talk/shout or otherwise discuss this one drop me something via the ‘book?
I get it. Completely. I dated someone similar to him awhile back, and while he was sweet and genuine, there were things I couldn’t do because that wasn’t who he was. He wasn’t a city boy, he didn’t like to travel, he didn’t like arts or the theater. All he liked was to work with his hands, and he was content to do that job for the rest of his life and settle down in a trailer, get married, pop out a few kids, and life was over by 30.
That’s just not me. And I can’t make him change, and he can’t make me change. It’s just who we are.
So yes. I understand it 100%.
I think that if you’re not happy, if you’re not comfortable, then it’s not something you should persue. That being said, I also think that there is something amazing to be said about finding a person where you can both connect with him and compliment him.
Mr. Mom is almost my polar opposite (laid-back to my up tight, total kid to my total mom persona, loves Family Guy while I can’t even wrap my brain around cartoons, not technically inclined to my geeky tech) but we compliment each other quite well and we see eye-to-eye on things people don’t always look for. Kindness, understanding, coping skills, life goals, marriage, love, communication, physical needs, and emotional needs.
I guess what I’m saying is don’t write someone off because on the surface you don’t think you’re a fit, but at the same time you’ve got to trust yourself.
He is a bit younger than you mlle. People do sort of change and grow, guys in their early 20s are really not yet formed in the finer arts, it takes time and culture out in the sticks doesn’t encourage faster development of these skills.
Anyway, releationships with someone less smart than you might not be so bad, it doesn’t seem to be killing my wife, she still puts up with my stupidity mostly
I’m with M-Joy on this. Opposites do work and are very complementary. It’s nice to be on the verge of a hissy fit and have someone to calm you down because he’s slower and not as caught up in it all.
With that said though, you do have to be comfortable. And you’re spending all your time poking holes through this relationship. If it’s not right, it’s not right, and you can’t force it.